From time to time Outright Geekery brings you a slanted and biased opinion on some trivially specific topic of geekery. We call it Outright Geekery’s Top o’ the Lot.
The word ‘sentient’ gets thrown around a whole lot, and while the definitions of the word may be a bit mixed up, for the sake of this list, sentience requires only one thing: A thing that isn’t a person acting like a person. In this case, walking, talking, moving of their own volition. You know, stuff that trees just don’t do. There were a ton of options to choose from, and even a bit of contention among the Outright Geeks about my picks. But it’s a slanted and biased list, and I don’t care what Treebeard likes to be called. So, without further ado, we got our photosynthesis on, hit a whole lot of geekdoms, and scream “She’s not a tree!!” in Outright Geekery’s Top o’ the Lot: Sentient Trees.
Honorable Mention: Audrey II
I. Love. Musicals! And there was no way I was leaving the Big Green Mother from Outer Space off this list of sentient trees, including the fact that Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors isn’t technically a tree. Although I’m not quite sure what else you’d call a 10 foot tall talking potted monster of a plant…either way, she’s the best. But, yeah, not really a tree.
5) Trees of Cheem
Descended from the rainforests of Earth, Trees of Cheem are the humanoid trees from the Dr. Who universe. The best Tree of Cheem was, of course, Jabe, who was present on Platform One for the destruction of Earth in the year 5,000,000,000. I love that episode!
4) The Whomping Willow
On the grounds of Hogwart’s School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is a rather peculiar magical tree known as the Whomping Willow. It doesn’t walk, talk, or do anything more than beat the hell out of everything that comes close to it. Originally planted to disguise and guard the secret passage between the Hogwart’s grounds and the Shrieking Shack so Remus could do his werewolf thing, it also beat the hell out of a flying car once.
3) The Great Deku Tree
The Protector of the Spirit of the Forest, the fatherly guardian of the green, and the first level of the best Zelda game ever; Ocarina of Time; the Great Deku Tree. It wasn’t the last time Link would level through a living creature, but it was the best. Little Baby Deku was not so great, but we’ll ignore that. And it’s a great song!
“I am no tree!” I know, Treebeard, but I have no other point of reference, pal. The wisest of the Ents of Middle-Earth, Treebeard was an epic piece of movie special effects, and had a pretty heroic moment in a film series that was full of them.
He is Groot! That’s really all I need to say. Whether you prefer your tried and true comic book variety or the pop sensation big-screen version, Groot is still Groot. The tree with a thousand things to say but only says one thing. Just watch!
See a mistake? Disagree with the choices? Tell us what you think about this installment of Top o’ Lot, join in the discussion and share your opinion.