From time to time Outright Geekery brings you a slanted and biased opinion on some trivially specific topic of geekery. We call it Outright Geekery’s Top o’ the Lot.
No villain is bona fide without first finding a place to call home. Some place where a villain can put his feet up by a warm fire, relax, and get down to the business of taking over the world, the galaxy or whatever it is needing to be taken over. It’s important for everyone to take some “me time” every now and again, and villains are no different. Now I could throw a heap of places into this Lot, everything from makeshift sewer laboratories to advanced James Bond caliber super fortresses, but including EVERYTHING was just way too much work, and ain’t nobody got no time for that. So, with Bond villains and the lazy builders excluded, and putting a strong stress on the word “Secret”, Outright Geekery hides this Top o’ the Lot from the prying eyes of do-gooders as we run down the Top Villain’s Secret Hideouts.
Honorable Mention: Kamino
The birthplace of the secret Republic Army of clones and base to the bounty hunter Jango Fett, Kamino was arguably the most important secret hideout in the entire Star Wars movie universe, and Star Wars is full of secret bases! The importance of keeping Kamino a secret is as important as the clone army was to Palpatine successfully taking over the Republic, a highlight of the early days of galactic villainy. While not quite flashy enough to make it into the Lot officially, Kamino represents both an important birthplace for a grand army, as well as one of the most recognizable characters of all time, and is the first (chronologically) of a series of secret bases that mark the Star Wars Universe.
5. Nomanisan Island
You may not recognize the place by name but I’m sure you know it. Nomanisan Island acted as the secret headquarters of Syndrome, the disturbed super-fan, bent on revenge from Disney/Pixar’s animated masterpiece The Incredibles. This place was decked out, with a highly advanced security system, army of (less than adequate) henchmen, a retractable curtain of molten lava and teems of other goodies made to own Supers and get over on an ignorant public looking for any hero to “save the day”. The sheer coolness of Syndrome’s lair is enough for Nomanisan Island to get a look, but the cute play on words rolls it into the Top o’ the Lot like an Omnidroid 10000 over Gazerbeam. What? Too soon??
4. Dr. Evil’s Secret Volcano Lair
“You forget, Scott, that we’re inside a volcanooooo. We’re surrounded by liquid hot magma.” It doesn’t get much cooler than this, does it? Okay, sharks with frickin’ lazer beams attached to their heads may beat it, but Dr. Evil’s Secret Volcano Lair left its mark. Although it was apparent that this was Dr. Evil’s island to anyone that looked at it, that was simply part of the overall hilarious appeal. Dr. Evil’s Secret Volcano Lair belongs squarely in the Top o’ the Lot, and if you don’t believe me just ask Mustafa. But you’ll have to ask him three times.
3. Cobra’s Springfield Base
Any G.I. Joe fan knows the importance of the sleepy little Cobra-controlled town of Springfield. Although the cartoon version of the town was quite different than the version in the comics, both towns acted as backdrops for some amazing storytelling. Whether it was the failed attempt to trick Shipwreck into believing he lived a life he never had; as seen in the two-part 1985 cartoon episode “There’s No Place Like Springfield”; or the timeless events of the comics, including Cobra Commander’s rise to power and the creation of Serpentor, the town of Springfield is the quintessential secret villain stronghold. The town above hides level upon level of Cobra forces ready to take on The Joes. Warm up your Trouble Bubble and know that Cobra’s Springfield Base sinks its fangs into the number three spot on the Lot. And knowing is half the battle!
2. Lex Luthors’ Subway Base
“Otisburg?” A library; a swimming pool; a huge map on the floor; plenty of space; Park Avenue Address; Okay, 200 feet UNDER Park Avenue, but when you need space for two mouthy henchmen or room to entertain Kryptonian guests there’s no place better. Lex’s base from the original Superman movie was intelligently quaint while keeping the sinister styling expected of any super-villain. All things being equal, Lex’s crib is the most realistic base on the list, and who wouldn’t want a sweet pad to hatch an ominous plot or two? Hey, it may not be Costa del Lex, but until I get one of my plans to go un-foiled, I’d settle for a rack as fab as this one. Lex’s Subway base misses the tippy Top o’ the Lot by a single spot. Who could possibly be to blame? MISS TESCHMACHER!!
1. Hall of Doom
“Meanwhile, in the swamps of the Meadowlands…” Yeah, so? The Hall of Doom may have been in New Jersey but the home of the Injustice League made a huge impact very early on for a whole lot of geeks. What it lacked in beauty and style it made up for in evilness and the inclusion of an amazing team of who’s who of DC villains putting a thorn to the side of the Super Friends. It doesn’t matter that the residents of the Hall of Doom were repeatedly thwarted by an inept, blue space monkey, because it takes nothing away from the coolness of Lex and the gang’s HQ. Remember that time it flew?!? How can’t it sit at the Top o’ the Lot?
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